what grace looks like, practically

Just over a year ago I had what would be classified as "mental break-down." I wigged out one morning and left town, telling no one and taking only the bare essentials. I drove over 1500 miles and wound up in Bozeman, MT. It was an excruciatingly painful time, not only because of why I left, but because of the wounds I had caused by leaving and abandoning so many people that I loved.

Even harder, though, was coming home. There were several times on the way back that I thought about disappearing again. It was only the hope of grace that kept me going, not just God's grace but people's grace.

I remember sitting in my truck in my parents driveway for about 30 minutes and then just standing in front of their door for a long time. The only reason I went in is because they saw me first. I nearly left from that spot. I'd never felt so terrible in my whole life.

But grace prevailed, not only in my family, but in my church. Who would have thought that people could forgive and welcome back someone who had done so much harm to them. It was then that I truly began to understand the meaning of Christian community.

There are many times that I have failed since then but always there is the grace given to sinners for one another. And so, grace extends through the lives of believers so that we can endure one another.

I hope that I display this grace. I hope that despite my demanding personality that people see that when they fail (personally or publicly) that I am not going to crack down on them for their sin, but welcome them graciously back.

What does grace look like practically? It looks like a pastor who was restored to his family, friends and church despite having failed them on a thousand levels.

-joe

back on the wagon

Well, it's been nearly a month since I posted anything...but I've gotten my life almost halfway normalized, so I figured it was time to start writing again.

Once of the most difficult things in life is to own up to mistakes, sins and blunders. It is never easy to say "I was wrong" or "I said something that was hurtful and I apologize." Over the past month I've had to own up to a lot of junk. And, man, it has been tough at times.

On the other hand, it is easily one of the best feelings in the world to be free from the weight of unconfessed sins and mistakes. It takes a burden off that is hard to describe. I encourage all to confess freely...it brings freedom.

The other side, which I have found equally difficult, is to accept grace and forgiveness. I always thought confession was the hardest...but it is almost harder to accept forgiveness when you know there is no reason other than grace and love.

Ponder the weight of this in regards to salvation and the tears are sure to flow. You and I have stolen glory from God for years (and we continue to do so daily) and yet he loves us...for the sake of his own love. What an unfathomably great grace he bestowed in his Son, Christ Jesus.

Amen,

-joe

the Gospel amazes me...and makes me crazy

My sister, who (along with my entire family and many friends) has been a great encouragement during my break with reality, asked me if I had not only known the great forgiveness of the Gospel but also truly accepted it.

Well. It's a hard answer.

I've accepted forgiveness. By that, I mean that I know and believe that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is absolutely true-that belief in Him as Savior and Lord truly saves us from hell and despair and into newness of life with the ability to magnify God.

But, I still struggle with it. Not because I don't believe it but because I do and it is hard to deal with believing it when you know the wickedness of your own heart. The Gospel is such a huge thing and has such an ability to confound the mind that it is difficult at times to understand it...even if you believe it.

How can a good, just, righteous, holy, magnficent, creator God ever love and embrace as His son one like me-or you? It is at that point, realizing the pit of my own heart that the Gospel is the hardest and makes me upset. To know that despite myself that God loves and that is the reality of the Gospel can sometimes be bittersweet because I, by myself, can't love like that. None of us can.

Forgiveness of people (including myself) only comes through an understanding of the forgiveness of God-which results in salvation.

The grace of God truly is amazing...but it still makes me crazy. I cry with the hymnest "Be of sin the double cure, save me from its guilt and power."

-joe