the goats that had bloat

The Goats That Had Bloat
By: Dr. Chevon

My neighbor, the farmer, has a big farm.
With chickens and tractors and pigeons and barns.
It has pickles and carrots,
It has sickles and parrots.
He keeps pigs and cows and bottle-necked sheep
All penned in their places, at night they would sleep.

Over all of these things their dog makes sure
That nothing can harm them, not even a bur.

Over tractors and parrots and barns he keeps watch
Checking pickles and carrots and sickles for spots
He herds chickens and pigeons and bottle-necked sheep
Keeping cows, pigs and piglets all safe in their sleep.

There are many things funny you find on a farm
but only a few are cause for alarm.
One of the things that may happen at times
Is a serious thing that makes for good rhymes.

Occurring in mammals, this thing that we discuss
Within one of the species it really makes fuss.
This thing that I speak of is known of as "bloat"
The beast that most gets it is known as a goat.

And thus, my dear friends, the story begins
In a field on a farm right next to the hens.

You see, my good neighbor had just received
(as a gift from my grandpa on All Hallow's Eve)
A goat with three horns and one with but two
And wouldn't you know it, they both had the flu.

Luck'ly for them, the bottle-necked sheep
Are real good at nursing; they revived in a week.
But just one month later a new sickness fell
Leaving both of those goats not feeling too well.

You see, those poor goats had gotten the bloat
From something they ate while drinking a coke.

They ate flubber and gibbards
And fake rubber lizzards.
They had green chimichangas
And wallaby bongas.

Bee bumbles and struddles they ate with a smile
Slurping and burping their cokes all the while.

"Why, don't they know?", you will cry out and ask,
"That doing such things will make you pass gas?"

Well, what you don't know is the poor brothers goat
Had never passed grade school and learned about "bloat."
So they ate and they drank and got all gassed up
But then something happened, they seemed to be stuck.

They felt the gurgling burgling deep down below
But nothing they did would cause them to blow.
They tried pills and drinks that promised a fix
and ended up worse, and then got the fits.

Now the fits are just bad, if you don't know
They make you grab needle and thread and sew.
(Now sewing isn't bad if you like to make dresses
But for goats with the bloat it just adds more messes.)

Well, the three-horned goat, whose name was Mo Miley
Decided to go to the doctor, Bill Highly.
Bill prodded and poked and looked down his throat
And said "You, good sir, are down with the bloat!"

Now Mo was just angry at the doc's diagnosis,
he already knew that very prognosis.
But his two-horned brother, who lived by the dam,
said "Don't worry, my brother, we'll get fixed by Shazam."

Shazam was the monkey at the Round Barn Golf Course
(who lived next to Grumpy, the crazy pole horse)
He made a living by making gray goo
That gets rid of the bloat but makes you turn blue.

So the two brother goat, who were sick with the bloat
Went down to the golf course, (the one with the moat)

When they got to the bridge to get to Shazam
Who might have the thing that could cure them, Ka-blam!
They fell in the water, those goats with the bloat,
And wouldn't you know it, away they did float.

They floated on down the Tippecanoe
And down the Wabash to the St. Louis zoo.
And now those poor brothers are on display
As "The Goats With the Bloat That Won't Go Away."